Cosas Minimas

These prints made me smile.  Aren't they cheery?  Artist Blanca Gomez creates these cheeky illustrations. So cute, right?   And, cosas minimas means tiny things in Spanish.  Even cuter!  See more, here.

p.s.  thanks, dear friends, for your sweet, sweet comments about my news.  a big kiss to you all!

Melancholy

Dear friends, sorry for the lack of posting.  I've been hibernating these past weeks.  There is a whole, long, gritty explanation as to why I've taken to cocooning myself at my home with my boys, but I'm not quite sure how to write it all here.  I can't figure out how much of it is appropriate to share and how much of it I should keep to myself.  Perhaps, after all is said and done, I'll figure out a way to explain everything more eloquently, but I always hate it when bloggers leave cliff-hanger posts, so here's the smallest frame of what's going on with me (gritty details omitted).

I have Endometriosis. I've had it ever since I, ahem, "became a woman".  The only way to diagnose (and the best treatment for) Endo is a laparoscopy.  So, I had my first one in 2001.  Then, to my surprise, I got pregnant in 2007 and had my wonderful, adorable, amazing, sweet, love-every-piece-of-him, little boy, Dylan.  Life is good.

But, here's the thing: Endo is progressive and recurrent.  So, mine is back and, it seems, with a vengeance. The pain is excruciating and debilitating.  It has changed my life and the life of my loved ones.  I started taking pain medication during my cycle, but knew I couldn't continue living in pain and I hated the stress it caused my little family.  In March 2010, my doctor suggested a hormone shot that would, hopefully, shrink the Endo, relieve the pain and give us better luck with getting pregnant.  Sadly, once the shot wore off, the pain was back and, well, the baby part didn't work either.

So, two weeks ago I found myself sitting in a fertility specialist's office and going over the specifics of what will be my second laparoscopy.  This week I went to a world renown gastroenterologist who specializes in treating women with Endo.  I found out that I must make drastic changes to my diet as part of a two part plan (surgery being the first part) to treat my pain and future health.

I've dealt with Endo and it's effects for almost 20 years and I realize now that I'm having to face an unwanted reality: that I must accept this disease and live with it.  And that's really hard to do when the stakes seem so high: infertility, early hysterectomy, strict dietary restrictions.   All I want to do is deny it's existence because I'm really scared and overwhelmed.  And I'm sad.  Life is good, really good.  But, it's really hard.  And, I think, often, the little girl in me just needs some time: to cry and grieve for the lost plans I had made and for the fear of unknown ones taking place right before my eyes.

I know, deep within the contours of myself, that everything will be alright.  That all is as it should be.  But, right now, that just doesn't make everything feel better.  Which, I guess, is part of things too.  The underside of things.  The feeling bad.

I'm not quite sure how to end this post:  I honestly wasn't planning on writing this much, but it kind of spilled out.  I'll be sure to post a little update after the surgery (February 8!).  Until then, I'm trying my very best to stay in the moment and not have an anxiety attack over general anesthesia.

xo,
steph

Resolved to Resolve

I never make resolutions for the new year.  Really, I can't remember a time when making a list of new year resolutions even occurred to me.  I guess it's the impending doom linked to new year goals: even lists with the best intentions seem marked with inevitable failure when written at the beginning of the year.

But for some unknown reason, this year, I feel inclined to write down the things most important to me and try my best to make them happen.  Some part of me wants to set goals and see my aspirations on paper instead of leaving them to swirl around in my head.  And, this year, the difference is that it doesn't matter to me if some of them are left undone or unfinished or even if they change completely.

In August, I'll be 30 (!) and I really can't wait.  Seriously, I'm beyond excited to say, "Sayonara!," to my twenties.  But, when I think about this milestone, I think about how fast it all went.  Three years ago I had a baby.  A baby who is now a little boy and who called me babe yesterday and asked the UPS delivery man if he was cold with the doors open.  How did this happen in the blink of an eye?

Suddenly, it doesn't matter to me if or when I meet my goals.  It just matters that I have them and that I know them.  I'm still working on mine, but I loved reading Grace's on Design*Sponge and Jordan from Oh Happy Day! has a 30 things before 30 list that I find totally inspiring, too.  And, if you've never checked out Mighty Girl's Mighty Life List, you should.  I think I read the entire thing with my mouth open: it made me motivated and also terrified me.   Aren't I weird?

What about you?  Are you a resolution maker?

xo,
steph

{image via ffffound}

January Fresh

I know spring gets all of the hoop-lah when it comes to cleaning house, but I've always gotten a major organization bug in January.  This is most likely a direct result of my post-holiday home being covered in a smattering of wrapping paper, shopping bags, glitter, tape and what seems to be an endless number of random pine needles. Combine these elements with the horrid six o'clock darkness that keeps us inside and I am forced to come to terms with the amount of crap accumulating in, on and around my little abode.  Because, here's a dirty secret about me: I'm messy.  But, few things make me happier than organizing and, when I do it, I'm really good at it.

Regardless of why, come January my OCD heart starts to pitter-patter with organizational excitement.  I day-dream of perfectly staged vanity, pantry and laundry room shelves.  Canvas baskets and rows of white bins are the keys to my heart.  My idea of pillow-talk is Paul turning to me and asking, "Would you like me to help you organize the closets by color?"

Yes, darling, yes I would.

Mostly this kind of purging produces a wonderful sense of order in our home and leaves me feeling refreshed and in control.  But, every year at this time I also end up convincing myself that the only way I can survive is with a, for lack of a better description, craft room (for some reason I hate this phrase).  By the time I am done designing it, it usually costs us $50,000.  (But, that includes pouring a concrete slab for the addition, so don't think I'm totally nuts.  Concrete is expensive people.)

Luckily, my purging usually keeps me up until all hours of the night for multiple nights in a row, so I usually get so tired that I forget about my Martha Stewart worthy addition.  And, in case you haven't already decided that I actually am crazy, you should  know that Paul has a 2,000 square foot art studio next to our house, so a measly little "craft" room for me is hardly too much to ask.  Right?

For all of you other self-proclaimed organizational crazies enthusiasts: some eye-candy.

If you are like me and these pictures only make you crave more organized goodness, visit Pinterest and you'll be happy for hours.  You can find the links to all of these photos on my Pinterest board, here.

xo,

steph

p.s. I feel the need to admit to you all that I did, in fact, organize my ever-growing ribbon addiction collection by color this week.  It. is. so. awesome.

big family photo prints

My niece, Sabine, took this photo of Dylan on New Year's Day.  I find it equal parts hilarious + fabulous + weird.  We are thinking of getting a super-sized print of it made.  I just have to decide if I want the color or the black + white version.  I mentioned, recently, that I had 3 dedicated readers, but I had a few people inform me they actually read my blog, too.  So, to my now 5 or 7 dedicated readers { = ) }: what do you think: color or black + white?

Here are some more family photos done in a big way.  So fun, right?
{I just noticed they are all in color...}

xo,

steph

{image 1, 2, 3}

danny + annie

Have you ever heard of StoryCorps?  Since 2003, StoryCorps has collected and archived more than 30,000 interviews from more than 60,000 participants.  If you have a minute (or a few hours), you should listen to some of the interviews.  This, this, and this warmed my heart and made me laugh.

But, the story of Danny + Annie brought tears to my eyes.  At times I find myself feeling disillusioned with life.  But then, a piece of life's goodness finds me and I remember that there is beauty and fragility in even the most painful and hurtful of times.  For me, Danny + Annie's story was this kind of welcomed reminder.

xo,
steph

{via A Cup of Jo}

happy new year.

xo,

steph

{image via tinywhitedaisies}